If you’re new to this discussion, please read: Blogging with the Mother Hen – the first post. Especially read the amazing, thoughtful comments. The real gems are contained below the post. This is my perseverantia ad finem optatum, fed by the diverse comments and opinions shared by you all.
I hope people aren’t misreading my words to believe I think we shouldn’t tell our stories… or that we should all retreat to private blogging. I disagree with both and never suggested either happen. I’ve been here for five years; I hope to be here in five more. More so, I hope you all are still sharing in five years’ time. I hope the story tellers and photo keepers inside you all continue to tell your stories. They are powerful, beautiful pieces of our personal and shared histories!
Put briefly, my post says: I am no longer anonymous on the web. Therefore, I’ve removed my child’s medical history from my blog.
No longer anonymous. This isn’t about less exposure, it’s about more. It isn’t about retreating, and it certainly isn’t led by fear. Not for me, anyway. It’s about professionalism and family life and respect and the difficulty met when marrying them. It’s about not revealing parts of your children’s lives that could hinder – truly hinder – their future. Not cutesy, embarrassing stories about a five-year-old; medical facts that lead to discrimination. It’s not about creating a blog that’s so sanitized it’s unrealistic. It’s about striking a balance in a way that fosters our growth as writers, moms, women, and bloggers, but for which those we love most don’t pay the price.
Of course blogging is about fostering connections. Blogging and privacy need not be mutually exclusive. I’ve gone to 6 blogging conferences – enough to prove that’s true. But it’s niave to think all your readers share the same healthy, well-intentioned perspective about your content. And just because someone could read your mail, eavesdrop at the store, or follow you home – why intentionally arm would-be-troublemakers? I think once one has experienced the effects of aggressive, mentally ill, or perverse persons misusing blog content – even once – you feel differently. Those rare and few individuals shouldn’t drive our content, but they should help us point our blogging compasses. Bloggers may also feel differently based on the size of their audiences. And special needs parents face a completely different set of concerns that are impossible to understand as even the most empathic outsider.
It’s not about being fearful. It’s about being proactive so that we needn’t be reactive.
Most of us have more in common than we do not, and we all cherish and hold tightly the innocent people we care for. But most of all, I hope that for many of you, you can’t fathom a life in which your child’s medical history could haunt him.
For us, that’s not a luxury we possess.
Stay online. Write. Photograph. Love fiercely. Share safely. Judge not.
xoxo,
Darcy
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Well put!
Samantha´s last blog ..As The Snow Falls And The Kids Go Cuckoo
“Stay online. Write. Photograph. Love fiercely. Share safely. Judge no”
LOVE.
Emily@remodelingthislife´s last blog ..Running Up Debt
YOU rock, girlfriend!
Amy Bayliss´s last blog ..Bad Mom, Hormonal Mom
“And let the people say, Amen.” ;o)
I think the changes that are happening with my blog have been a while in coming and are being made out of respect and love for my family. They will still be a part of my blog (how can they not be since they’re so important to me!) but I think I’m leaning towards taking a more creative bent. I was in A State over what to do and it meant so much to me that you were brave enough to share your feelings/decision.
You. Are. A. Good. Mom.
Perfect. I am pretty darn sure this new way of blogging will inspire a whole new crop of moms who need to hear these words. Keep being you
Angela @ Homegrown Mom´s last blog ..Memorizing Scripture: You Can!
This is such an interesting discussion considering that I have not entered the baby arena, yet. I appreciate the fact that you have made healthy boundaries for your family. One of the things that I find so interesting about blogging is the gamut of ethical, aesthetic, giftedness, etc., etc., that exists in this field. I feel like you do, some things do not belong out there.
I appreciate your decision. It gives everyone a lot to think about.
Tracy´s last blog ..Hard Times Bring Broad Places
Darcy ,
I am one of those fearful, anonymous types. Unfortunately i have witnessed some very cruel incidents. In one case, my ex-bloggy friend almost lost her chance to adopt her son as some evil person reported her blog to adoption agency.
I agree that there might be just one or two such individuals for say a small blogger like me but that is enough for me to be extremely cautious about this whole privacy thing henceforth.
Even after starting this blog with pen name last year, i have still done few mistakes at the initial time of setting it up.
I hope they do not come to bite me one day.
Considering that i am Indian and an immigrant, i feel people are more likely to create more damage for me than some one local, if they do not like me or i set them off in a wrong way.
As you can see, i am a very fearful person. In spite of this, as a blogger i am who write about every thing quite boldly and i want to keep it that way.
This fearfulness has costed me some great opportunity.At one acrostic writing place, i had won once last year, so i was among select few who were invited to write in an anthology which would be published.They unfortunately wanted real names. so i just backed off.
I asked my husband and he also did not want me to share my name. So fear has its price but hopefully i will be proud of this in years to come!
shraddha
shraddha´s last blog ..that is how you destroy a perfectly nice blog
well said, darcy dear.
Marsha´s last blog ..the old man’s club
This is very thought provoking. I do not write under a pseudonym and while I haven’t used my kids names for a long time, I think I have some old posts where I was less cautious. I have things inside me I have wanted to write about but I hesitate because my family comes first and there are some things you just don’t say when you have a blog associated with your real name. Although I think at least when you blog under your own name you’re more likely to be cautious than the anonymous blogger who is unexpectedly caught out. It’s scary no matter which way you choose to go, but I’d hate to lose the beautiful sharing that is what draws me to blogging.
Laurie´s last blog ..WAHM Wednesday: Working Alone
Hmmm. Darcy, once again, you’ve given us a lot of food for thought.
Lucky for us, your food is never indigestible. Thank you!
Richella´s last blog ..A welcoming space
I left a comment there and will put another one here. I completely agree that you should never open your child up for discrimination. I put a LOT of medical info about my child on my blog, but he also wears his disability on his sleeve. Things that people don’t need to know–I don’t put up there. We’re ordering his first wheelchair–so I feel OK sharing these things. There are details that I choose not to share–because they don’t change the story, but they might change the way people see him. It’s a fine line and I’m sure I mess it up sometimes, but I do TRY–even a blogger like me who is sharing so much personal info.
Katy´s last blog ..Good Things
You can tell by my name I am very much anonymous. Have given much thought to crossing the line and in the end will stay this way…for at least now. I really enjoy the security of doing it this way.
Weekend Cowgirl´s last blog ..Cowboy the Goat, Not the Hubby
Great post. I could not have said it better myself.
Mimi Ruse´s last blog ..Rocks are hard.